Lesson Number One
A crow was sitting on a tree, doing nothing all day. A small rabbit saw the crow, and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do nothingall day long?"
The crow answered: "Sure, why not."
So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the crow, and rested. All of asudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must besitting very, very high up.
Lesson Number Two
A turkey was chatting with a bull.
"I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree," sighed theturkey, "but I haven't got the energy. "Well, why don't you nibble onsome of my droppings?" replied the bull. "They're packed withnutrients."
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung and found that it actually gavehim enough strength to reach the first branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.Finally after a fortnight, there he was proudly perched at the top ofthe tree. Soon he was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot the turkey out of the tree.
Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
Lesson Number Three
When the body was first made, all the parts wanted to be Boss. The brain said, "I should be Boss because I control the whole body'sresponses and functions."
The feet said, "We should be Boss as we carry the brain about and gethim to where he wants to go." The hands said, "We should be the Bossbecause we do all the work and earn all the money." And so it went onand on with the heart, the lungs and the eyes until finally theasshole spoke up.
All the parts laughed at the idea of the asshole being the Boss. So the asshole went on strike, blocked itself up and refused to work. Within a short time the eyes became crossed, the hands clenched, the feet twitched, the heart and lungs began to panic and the brainfevered. Eventually they all decided that the asshole should be the Boss, so the motion was passed.
All the other parts did all the work while the Boss just sat andpassed out the shit!
You don't need brains to be Boss, any asshole will do!
Lesson Number Four
A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold, thebird froze and fell to the ground in a large field. While it was lyingthere, a cow came by and dropped some dung on it. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, it began to realize how warm itwas. The dung was actually thawing him out!
He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard he bird singing and came to investigate. Followingthe sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, andpromptly dug him out and ate him!
1. Not everyone who drops shit on you is your enemy.
2. Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend.
3. When you're in deep shit, keep your mouth shut!