An Unforgettable Night

After that night, I told to myself that I’ll never share that experience with my readers on my blog. Actually it was a very depressing period of my life and I was at my weakest. I seriously thought that night that I’ll not be able to see the next morning sun. Nevertheless, after around one year, I finally decided to break those mental shackles and write about the darkest night of my life. And which better place to write about the experience than the place from where it all began, the train from Bareilly to Ghaziabad by which I returned to college today after Diwali vacations.

I should start from the morning of 5th January, 2009, or otherwise the whole situation will not be clear. It was a chilly winter morning and I boarded the train from Bareilly to Ghaziabad, to resume college for the 6th semester. Mom insisted on wearing a jacket over the thin sweater I was wearing but I had a tendency to act like ‘Phantom’ in winters, so I refused. And then the journey started, which changed my life for ever.

I was allotted a window seat and despite all my efforts to keep that damn thing closed, it repeatedly unlocked itself and let the chilly breeze in. And as predicted by mom, soon I was shivering like hell. After three hours of journey, I felt some relief when the sun was finally out from. But it was still cold.

Around noon, I reached the college campus and was glad to be back. I took a nap as I was tired after the journey. It was not until in the evening around 6pm, I felt something is wrong within. I had started to shiver and was feeling weak. In addition, I felt some fever too. So, after dinner, I took a Paracetamol and hoped that I’ll be fine.

But by the time the clock struck 9, I knew that it is not just an ordinary fever. I was shivering uncontrollably. My limbs were numb, my forehead was burning, was having fits of cough with sputum, was unable to breathe, and there was no way I could fell asleep.

After three hours of suffering, I decided to repeat the medication as it was obvious that the previous dose had no effect. I took a Vicks Action 500 in order to get some relief from cold apart from fever. But nothing seemed to have been working that night. After an hour or so, I was now spitting blood! At this moment, I wished that God should take my life away so that my suffering could end.

It was 4am and I hadn’t slept a bit. My condition was worse than ever, and the constant shivering was making my life miserable. I am not a religious person, but at that time, I was thinking that if there is God somewhere, He is taking into account for all the sins I have committed in my entire life. All my memories were flashing in front of me, as I waited for the morning sun. Meanwhile, I took another tablet, although I knew I should not because there should be enough gaps between doses.

At 7:30am I some how moved to the mess, so that I could have something for breakfast, because all the medicines I took were not required to take on empty stomach. With utter difficulty, I had a bowl of dalia. And now I had to wait for the campus doctor to come to his clinic.

After 10am, when the doctor arrived, I told him my symptoms, and not to my surprise, he was baffled and immediately referred me to Fortis hospital with number of blood, urine and sputum tests. Later in the afternoon, finally, I was diagnosed of Acute Bronchitis and was put on heavy medication for 7 days.

These two days and the night between them were pretty hard on me. The more I try to forget them, the more they haunt me. The only positive came out of all this fiasco was that I started valuing and respecting life which God has given me. Today, I strongly believe that there was some invisible force, some power, which despite of all my miseries, helped me to pass out that period of agony and suffering and gave me a sort of rebirth in this beautiful world. May God don’t let this happen to anyone what happened to me that night.

Madhushala (मधुशाला)

Madhushala is an epic work of late Shri. Harivansh Rai Bachchan. Consisiting of 135 rubaai (verses of four lines) and 4 were added later, the poet tries to explain the complexity of life in a highly metaphorical way. When first published, it met criticism from many people for its apparent praise of alcohol, but later when the hidden meaning of the verses were understood, it was an instant hit. Below are the few rubaaiaa which are my favorites. Enjoy...

धर्मग्रन्थ सब जला चुकी है, जिसके अंतर की ज्वाला,

मंदिर, मसजिद, गिरिजे, सब को तोड़ चुका जो मतवाला,

पंडित, मोमिन, पादिरयों के फंदों को जो काट चुका,

कर सकती है आज उसी का स्वागत मेरी मधुशाला।

एक बरस में, एक बार ही जगती होली की ज्वाला,

एक बार ही लगती बाज़ी, जलती दीपों की माला,

दुनियावालों, किन्तु, किसी दिन आ मदिरालय में देखो,

दिन को होली, रात दिवाली, रोज़ मनाती मधुशाला।

सूर्य बने मधु का विक्रेता, सिंधु बने घट, जल, हाला,

बादल बन-बन आए साकी, भूमि बने मधु का प्याला,

झड़ी लगाकर बरसे मदिरा रिमझिम, रिमझिम, रिमझिम कर,

बेलि, विटप, तृण बन मैं पीऊँ, वर्षा ऋतु हो मधुशाला।

दुतकारा मस्जिद ने मुझको कहकर है पीनेवाला,

ठुकराया ठाकुरद्वारे ने देख हथेली पर प्याला,

कहाँ ठिकाना मिलता जग में भला अभागे काफिर को?

शरणस्थल बनकर न मुझे यदि अपना लेती मधुशाला।

मुसलमान औ' हिन्दू है दो, एक, मगर, उनका प्याला,

एक, मगर, उनका मदिरालय, एक, मगर, उनकी हाला,

दोनों रहते एक न जब तक मस्जिद मन्दिर में जाते,

बैर बढ़ाते मस्जिद मन्दिर मेल कराती मधुशाला!

छोटे-से जीवन में कितना प्यार करुँ, पी लूँ हाला,

आने के ही साथ जगत में कहलाया 'जानेवाला',

स्वागत के ही साथ विदा की होती देखी तैयारी,

बंद लगी होने खुलते ही मेरी जीवन-मधुशाला।

मेरे अधरों पर हो अंतिम वस्तु न तुलसीदल प्याला

मेरी जीव्हा पर हो अंतिम वस्तु न गंगाजल हाला,

मेरे शव के पीछे चलने वालों याद इसे रखना

राम नाम है सत्य न कहना, कहना सच्ची मधुशाला।

मेरे शव पर वह रोये, हो जिसके आंसू में हाला

आह भरे वो, जो हो सुरिभत मदिरा पी कर मतवाला,

दे मुझको वो कान्धा जिनके पग मद डगमग होते हों

और जलूं उस ठौर जहां पर कभी रही हो मधुशाला।

और चिता पर जाये उंढेला पत्र न घ्रित का, पर प्याला

कंठ बंधे अंगूर लता में मध्य न जल हो, पर हाला,

प्राण प्रिये यदि श्राध करो तुम मेरा तो ऐसे करना

पीने वालों को बुलवा कऱ खुलवा देना मधुशाला।

नाम अगर कोई पूछे तो, कहना बस पीनेवाला

काम ढालना, और ढालना सबको मदिरा का प्याला,

जाति प्रिये, पूछे यदि कोई कह देना दीवानों की

धर्म बताना प्यालों की ले माला जपना मधुशाला।

शांत सकी हो अब तक, साकी, पीकर किस उर की ज्वाला,

'और, और' की रटन लगाता जाता हर पीनेवाला,

कितनी इच्छाएँ हर जानेवाला छोड़ यहाँ जाता!

कितने अरमानों की बनकर कब्र खड़ी है मधुशाला।

कितनी आई और गई पी इस मदिरालय में हाला,

टूट चुकी अब तक कितने ही मादक प्यालों की माला,

कितने साकी अपना अपना काम खतम कर दूर गए,

कितने पीनेवाले आए, किन्तु वही है मधुशाला।

मैं मदिरालय के अंदर हूँ, मेरे हाथों में प्याला,

प्याले में मदिरालय बिंबित करनेवाली है हाला,

इस उधेड़-बुन में ही मेरा सारा जीवन बीत गया -

मैं मधुशाला के अंदर या मेरे अंदर मधुशाला!

जितनी दिल की गहराई हो उतना गहरा है प्याला,

जितनी मन की मादकता हो उतनी मादक है हाला,

जितनी उर की भावुकता हो उतना सुन्दर साकी है,

जितना ही जो रिसक, उसे है उतनी रसमय मधुशाला।

कुचल हसरतें कितनी अपनी, हाय, बना पाया हाला,

कितने अरमानों को करके ख़ाक बना पाया प्याला!

पी पीनेवाले चल देंगे, हाय, न कोई जानेगा,

कितने मन के महल ढहे तब खड़ी हुई यह मधुशाला!

स्वयं नहीं पीता, औरों को, किन्तु पिला देता हाला,

स्वयं नहीं छूता, औरों को, पर पकड़ा देता प्याला,

पर उपदेश कुशल बहुतेरों से मैंने यह सीखा है,

स्वयं नहीं जाता, औरों को पहुंचा देता मधुशाला।

- हरिवंश राय बच्चन

How To Live A Happy And Satisfied Life

This article is courtesy: http://www.enotalone.com/article/2295.html

I found it interesting so I'm posting it here on my blog.

In each day that passes by, we stand by and witness how our lives are being lived without the full happiness and satisfaction we crave and need. Most people spend their time stressed out, worried and on a constant panic about what needs to be done for their futures, raising their children, wired up over work, school, along with everything else. Does this sound familiar? Well if it does, it is because so many people live with this style and pattern. When you can start living that fully happy and satisfied life?

The only way you can live a happy and satisfied life, is when you start doing things that make you happy and satisfied. Sure, it sounds easy, and can be easy if you just remember to make yourself one of your top priorities. Too many people neglect themselves, feeling that it would be selfish if they took any time out to focus on their own being. While it is good to take care of others and other important things going on in your life, it is mandatory that you never forget about yourself. Discover who you really are and what matters most to you. Living a great life does not just happen. It requires, planning and following those plans to a life that reflects who you truly are.

Most people avoid planning goals and dreams in their lives because they may have a fear of committing to it or failing. They feel that by officially writing it down, they would actually have to go through with pursuing it. This is where you need to rate the importance of your life missions. What is most important to you? Is it losing a certain amount of weight? Getting your degree? Spending more time with your spouse or children? Whatever the reason or reasons may be, just write all of them down. You may feel that making a mental note of your goals and dreams is enough, but you could very well be setting yourself up for disappointment and failure. By writing it down, you will become a visual witness of those goals. Try writing them in an organizer, with a little reminder written in each day.

Setting deadlines for these goals would be a great way to assure they will be accomplished. Avoid disappointment by setting realistic deadlines. For example, if you wanted to lose 10 pounds, do not give yourself a week to do so. You will only torture yourself and become depressed when the week is over and see that you did not come even close to losing the 10 pounds. In fact, you may give up losing weight altogether because of the failure you experienced, simply because your deadline was unrealistic. Take some time everyday to look over your goals and remind yourself of how important they really are to you. Ask yourself why they are important to you too. Knowing that something is important is not enough. You must know the reasons behind the importance of the dreams and goals you have, so that your mind can see it more clearly and understand exactly why it is so necessary to go through with your missions.

Excuses are demons you must learn to fight off if you wish to start living a happy and satisfied life. Most people claim to have many dreams, but say they just do not have the time to approach them. Stop making excuses! You are the only one who holds the power to make a real difference in your life. Sure, we all have busy lives with our careers and families, but nothing takes up 24 hours of your day. So if something is truly important to you, you will be sure to make the time to work on it. You can do this by replacing it with something less important. For example, if you claim you do not have the time to work on the other important goals in your life, perhaps it is time for you to start making close observations on the way you spend your time. If you spend several hours of the day working, studying, and then several hours taking care of house chores and family, what else are you doing with the rest of your day? If you spend a good portion watching television, then you need to cut back on that and use that time to begin and follow an exercise plan you have been thinking to focus on for a long time (or whatever goal it is you have).

Making yourself one of your first priorities is not selfish. It actually is obligatory to do so in order to succeed in the other subjects of your life. Without a happy and satisfied you, there will be no happy and satisfied life, because you will be stressed out and unhappy. You might be consciously ignoring your needs and desires, but your subconscious mind has not forgotten about you and will constantly remind you through stress, anger, sadness, insecurity and feelings of failure.

Mrityu Ki Godd Mein (मृत्यु की गोद में)

एक दिन ऐसा आएगा,

जब ये सब कुछ नहीं रहेगा,

रह जाएगा तो बस एक पिंजर,

और उसमें कैद एक रूह।

रूह भी इस ताक में कि,

कब मौका मिले तो फुर्र हो,

और पिंजर का क्या है,

उसे तो ख़ाक में ही मिलना है।

मुद्दा ये नहीं कि क्या किया,

मुद्दा ये कि क्या करना रह गया,

ईश्वर द्वारा दिए गए सीमित समय में,

कौन काज संवरना रह गया।

हे बंधुजन, ये सुनो!

मृत्यु की गोद में समाने से पहले,

अपने मकसद को पहचानो,

और उस दिशा में आगे बढ़ो,

क्या पता कल हो न हो।

-प्रत्यूष गर्ग Pratyush Garg

०३-१०-०९ 03-10-2009

Safar (सफ़र)

My friend's parents are celebrating their 25th marriage anniversary this week and he asked me to write a poem for that occasion. So here it is, my first "On Demand" poem.

वक्त अपनी रफ़्तार से चलता रहा और हम मंज़िल की तलाश में भटकते रहे,

इस बीच एक हमसफ़र मिला तो सोचा साथ चलेंगे तो राहें आसान होंगी।

पता ही न चला कि कब मंज़िल से ज़्यादा राहें प्यारी हो चलीं,

क्योंकि इस बहाने हमसफ़र के साथ चलने का बहाना मिल गया।

ज़िंदगी है ही ना खत्म होने वाला सफ़र,

जिसमें गर कोई साथी मिले तो मज़ा ही कुछ और है।

आज मुड़ कर देखते हैं तो सफ़र के निशां दिखते हैं,

हमारे साथ के गवाह हमारे अपने साथ दिखते हैं।

सैंकड़ों खट्टी मीठी यादों के सहारे हम,

२५ सालों के इस ठहराव पर आ पहुँचे हैं।

अब बस यही दुआ है खुदा से कि इस ठहराव को मंज़िल का नाम न मिले,

और जब तक चल रही हैं साँसें या खुदा ये सफ़र भी यूँ ही चलता रहे।

-प्रत्यूष गर्ग Pratyush Garg

०१-१०-०९ 01-10-2009